Troublesome Contemplations
by EmbraceDiversity
Summary: ShikaTema. Shikamaru contemplates his history and feelings for Temari. One Shot.


_AN: Naruto is not mine, nor is Shikamaru and Temari. I wrote this as I thought it up, and while it didn't turn out the way I had originally expected, it was not a bad story either. I hope you enjoy it, and critiques are welcome._

_-Catriana_

**Troublesome Contemplations**

**By: Catriana**

_It's not like that..._

They had said those words a million times, and would possibly say them a million more. 'It's not like that...' what exactly did those words mean anyway? Did it mean that the stares they exchanged when no one was looking did not matter? Did it mean that the times they spent together were pointless?

Two years had gone by since they had been enemies, and while they did not see each other often due to their living differences, those times they spent together were quite memorable. At first they had began to meet due to the simple fact that they had been ordered to do so, neither of them would have sought the other out willingly. He thought she was too bossy and demanding, she thought he was too sexist and weak. Indeed, their personalities did clash and clash horribly, but perhaps it was that similarity that had brought them closer together.

The mission for him had been to escort her around Konoha. As an ambassador of sorts, she handled simple but demanding diplomatic discussions with others, and was a direct liaison to the up and coming Kazekage. Suna was an economic mess, there was no way that they would have progressed as far as they had in the two years without some support from Konoha. This tended to cause some hostilities from old rivalries, and one could not forget that Konoha itself was also in somewhat bad shape and recovery was not complete. Still, the two nations were trying to merge together to find a common ground, and to perhaps lean off of each other until they could both rise up and become the nations they had been in the past.

He had accepted the mission, only because he really had no choice or say over the matter. The time frame had only been a week, so he had figured that if he set up an organized plan which allowed him to ditch her before she wore on him too badly, he would be okay.

Of course, the Fates would never allow him to get off that easily.

That woman had nearly driven him insane within the first few hours of her arrival. She didn't comment much, but when she did her words were usually cold and blunt and stung him. He had come to the conclusion after five minutes that she did it on purpose, to gather his reactions and see what he would do or not do. He wasn't exactly sure why she had done that, it was not as if they were enemies anymore. After an hour he realized that she did it for the sole reason of getting a reaction out of him, nothing more, nothing less.

When he had caught on, he had tried to make himself indifferent to her words, and while outwardly he had done an excellent job, worthy of an Oscar, inwardly the words had stung. Was it because they were true? Was it because that she saw his insecurities and knew him so well that she could get under his skin? He wasn't sure, but he was sure that he didn't like it, and he wasn't sure if he particularly cared for her either.

But as the week went by, he realized that the fact that she could see into him so clearly, but he had such a difficult time understanding her, intrigued him. It wasn't that he was a glutton for punishment, quite the contrary, but the fact that she could _see_ into his emotions and understand him so well was what caught his attention. How was it that she was so damned critical but yet so understanding of his feelings at the same time? How did she understand the right things to say and the wrong things to say? Oh yes, she had her moments where she would say something that would completely throw him off his guard, things that made his heart skip that beat or his brain shut down for just a few seconds. There were times when she would be so cryptic, and yet so obvious that he had to double back and think on her words before he made a retort.

She was a puzzle to him, an enigma. Perhaps that was what drew him to her the next few times she arrived, for instead of being tasked to be her escort, he volunteered. Of course, that secret was between him and the Hokage, and he would rather die a painful death than to admit that he held any sort of fascination or desire for the woman with blonde hair and striking green eyes.

The two years had gone by so quickly that before he knew it, he found that his feelings for her were more than just idle fascination and curiosity. He rather enjoyed her trips to Konoha, she was one of the few people he could have an in-depth conversation with and she follow his level of thinking step for step. Her battle tactics and strategies were top notch, then again, that was to be expected of the woman who almost bested him. Her comments became less snippy and more personal, but never, never did she hint that she felt what he felt when he was around her. She probably never would, and neither would he, and to him, that was that. It wasn't that he was a coward, or even afraid of rejection, if a relationship was the path he wanted to take with her. Logic, more than anything else, held his tongue. They came from different places, they lived different lives, they both had their duties, and neither wanted to relinquish that.

Perhaps...perhaps she did desire what he did. Perhaps those lingering stares and awkward silences were more than what they appeared to be. Perhaps those accidental, but harmless touches were more than just accidental. He would not say he was in love, far from it, but he knew that what he felt was more than just curiosity, and if he felt that way, he knew that she felt it too. She probably even knew of his feelings, but she had her pride, as did he. Neither would call the other out, it simply wasn't their way. Irregardless, maybe when their lives were not so close to being on the line, maybe when those huge gaps that separated them merged a little closer, maybe, just maybe, he would see if his suspicions were correct.

Until then, it simply 'wasn't like that'.


End file.
